Gosh, I’ve sat down to write this Changing Seasons post several times and still I am unable to articulate what the last month has been like for me. An odd cocktail of contentment, gratitude, fear, frustration and uncertainty. It’s been a soul searching time which inevitably is leading to a redefining of what is important. And so, I apologize as this is a somewhat rambling post that is not all that well put together or cohesive. A sign of the times I suppose.
Covid-19 is giving the world a universally shared experience and yet each individual’s journey through this is so personal and unique that I sometimes find it hard to believe that we are all living in the same time. In America alone, it has taken an already divided country and driven the wedge in deeper, creating a chasm that I am starting to question can ever be closed.
There is a lack of hopeful news that comes out on a daily basis. We are fighting a virus that we know very little about, we are fighting to keep people healthy and alive, we are fighting to save the economy, we are fighting to have enough hospital beds, we are fighting over not losing rights, we are fighting over not losing loved ones, we are fighting over which is more important. It’s exhausting. That doesn’t even touch on the fact that we have a “leader” that is incompetent, not careful or mindful with his words and has gone off on some rogue agenda that has half the people’s full support and the other half of us wondering what the hell is going on. I’m left confused as to how we got so far apart?
Ah…but I digress…
Back to my personal definition of what all this means. Not just today, but in the future. What is my new normal? Eventually (sometime after May 8th) the state is going to open back up. We are going to be able to go shopping, out to eat, visit the parks, ride the trails, see friends, hike and travel. Oddly, I find myself in no rush for things to get back to the way they were.
You see…this time of isolation has made it abundantly clear that I was entirely too busy prior to coronavirus. Working full time, weekend comes, load the horse on the trailer, go camping, dinner with friends, take a lesson, learn something new, drop the kayak in the water, destination photo adventure, photo club, hit the gym, lunch plans, meet you at the bar, hiking in the mountains, walking on the beach, take the dogs for a walk, wanna see a movie, there is this festival, come to my party, social work obligations and so on and so forth….every weekend, some week nights and all really great and really fun stuff. All equally requiring of time and energy.
Then it all came to an abrupt stop. And now, other than work, I have no schedule to keep. Suddenly, an extra cup of coffee on a lazy morning, which used to be a rare treat, is the new norm. Hang out & just sit in the pasture with my horse after a long ride, why not. Long chats with hubby after work that stretch until bedtime, nothing is stopping us. An additional set during a workout, yes there is time. Reading another chapter before having to go to sleep, sure no need to wake up early. Wanna run another mile, no one is waiting on me. Sit on the deck watching & photographing birds, not much else to do. Covid life has completely emptied my highly scheduled calendar and it has been liberating.
As places start reopening and my friends are anxious to get together and get back out there I find myself examining how to bridge these two realities. I don’t want to be a recluse forever. I miss new places, new things and social experiences. I just don’t want these things in such abundance that I lose this new space that has been created in my life. I know that going forward will require me to be super conscientious with my time, with a lot of intention placed on what I allow to be scheduled, AND still maintaining this openness for life to just flow and be, in an unplanned way. I think this will be no easy task for a girl that likes to be on the go and has a fear of missing out. Yet, hopefully, possible all the same.
I hope you are all staying well as we move forward together to see what May will bring.