The Changing Seasons – March 2022

March has passed in a blur and it has been a sad month. A month that has been about loss and remembering. All things have their time and all emotions have their season and I guess I was due to have a period which I was pulled out of my typically active lifestyle to spend time reflecting, to feel and to occupy space contemplating grief and change in a way that is not comfortable for me or particularly welcome.

Early in the month my cousin passed away. Growing up there were two families so intertwined with one another that it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended. We were together all the time. Our grandparents were friends, their children were friends and in turn my generation are all friends. He was not a blood relative but it was considered to be so. His passing was a surprise and it brought into light the very realness of mortality. This was not a passing in the generation preceding me, this was someone from my childhood. It was a lot to process.

My Dad and Grandmother both celebrate their Heavenly Birthdays in March.

Toughest of all we had to let go of our sweet little Poe this month. His hind end and mobility issues had deteriorated to the point that we both knew it was time to save him from any unnecessary pain and allow him to have a dignified passing. He was 11 lbs of pure joy and love. He was everyone’s favorite. I am baffled how such a small dog has managed to leave such a large space in my heart and in our daily lives.

The suitcase of loss got very heavy. I thought I had been doing a good job carrying it around, until I found myself in the middle of a road race and the sadness welled up so big that I had to step off the course…let it out, have a good cry and get my life back together enough that I could get back into the game. I fought it for about a half mile, thinking I could outrun it, but, I realized the best thing I could do for myself was just allow it. The race was secondary to the processing that I clearly needed.

This picture has nothing to do with the race. It is for visual interest because I didn’t take a selfie while standing on the sidelines crying.

Well that was a lot…I’m not sure if you have stuck with me this long to wade through all that sadness, but if you have, I am rewarding you with some of the happiness from my month. I got a good hike in, several rides on Tucker, we added 5 baby chics to the family, I ran, took pictures at a horse event and generally just watched Spring pop up all around me. The blooming of the flowers and the freshness of the changing season were an important reminder that things will grow again and be beautiful. Maybe not the same, maybe with different or even missing pieces, but life always renews and just like the flowers, in order to bloom, we have to be open to the change.